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Editorial Reviews
Every child has "ornery" moments, but more than 1 in 20 American children exhibit behavioral problems that are out of control. For readers struggling with an unyielding or combative child, YOUR DEFIANT CHILD: EIGHT STEPS TO BETTER BEHAVIOR offers the understanding and guidance they need. Drawing on Dr. Russell A. Barkley's many years of work with parents and children, the book clearly explains what causes defiance, when it becomes a problem, and how it can be resolved. The book's comprehensive eight-step program stresses consistency and cooperation, promoting changes through a system of praise, rewards, and mild punishment. Readers learn tools and strategies for establishing clear patterns of discipline, communicating with children on a level they can understand, and reducing family stress overall. Filled with helpful charts, questionnaires, and checklists, YOUR DEFIANT CHILD helps parents get their child's behavior back on track and restore harmony in the home.
Related Reviews
When my husband got this book we were at our wits' end with our four year old. I was beginning to believe she had no conscience at all. We had a three week wait before we could get in to see the child psychologist. This book helped us understand what was going on, that her behavior wasn't our "fault" but that we were a factor, and that we could actually influence her behavior - which at the time seemed impossible. The process Barkley recommends seemed slow at the time, but looking back, it worked amazingly quickly! We didn't get through all 8 steps; just steps 1-3 made such a difference that we didn't need to. The psychologist we saw, while he hadn't read this book, said it seemed to be very much in line with current clinical practice, and encouraged us to use it. A year and a half later, we do have to go back and make sure we give our child her "special time" (one of the steps) or she slips back into some of her bad habits, but we are actually enjoying being parents now. This is not just a "self-help" type book, though it does give self-tests to help you evaluate your situation. It has a lot of substance, and discusses clinical differences between ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder, and Conduct Disorder in a clear, professional way.
Valuable Help for Parents at Their Wit's End .. .
The author, eminent in his field and writing from many years of clinical experience and research, has produced a state-of-the-art book on dealing with defiant children. The book is particularly useful in stressing the fundamental importance of taking a positive approach to the child's misbehaviors--focusing on praise and coming up with effective incentives to promote better behavior, rather than continuing with criticism, punishment and the kinds of misguided parental discipline that (with these types of children, at least) serve to worsen both the problem and the child's already impaired self-esteem.
The book elaborates on a program that requires a great deal of discipline on the part of the parents to carry out. But it really is "the ticket" for reprograming the child to change behaviors that are both problematic and potentially very serious to his/her healthy development.
It's simple enough. All kids adopt and change behavior based on basic principles of reinforcement. This book clarifies just how to reward the behaviors that are wanted and successfully discourage or even eradicate behaviors that are so troublesome. This book should be a "godsend" to parents who have felt totally inadequate to deal with the challenges of such a temperamentally difficult youngster.
I read the book in 2001. It has impressed me ever since. I have several books on this subject. I consider this book is the best.
The book provides you with the principles and methods to handle a very stubborn kid (but not the kid with a mental disorder).
For example, the biggest thing a kid needs is love. But what is love concretely? It is an attention. It is the time that we spend with the kid. But how to spend the time effectively? It is not by controlling him/her. It is by giving him/her the freedom to enjoy the time spent together.
I have not followed exactly the methods provided in the book, but the concept has been very useful for me to deal with my child.
The book provides you with the principles and methods to handle a very stubborn kid (but not the kid with a mental disorder).
For example, the biggest thing a kid needs is love. But what is love concretely? It is an attention. It is the time that we spend with the kid. But how to spend the time effectively? It is not by controlling him/her. It is by giving him/her the freedom to enjoy the time spent together.
I have not followed exactly the methods provided in the book, but the concept has been very useful for me to deal with my child.
Not a big hit in our household
This is just another rehashing of the same old reward and punishment doctrine. There's little new or fresh here...in fact, the strategies in this book actually made things worse. Not the book to read if you're looking for real help with a child who hasn't responded to traditional "good discipline."
Excellent resource for parents
My pediatrician recommended this book when I expressed concerns over power struggles I was having with my daughter. Initially I took the book out of the library - then had to buy it because frankly - I can't do without it now.
Excellent book and super fast shipping.
This book is agreat help to our home. We are dealing with a child that has ADHD, ODD and a Mood Disorder.
Russ Barkley has a good sense of how children behave and why, which allows him to develop good strategies for helping children learn how to be compliant. I really appreciate that he first teaches the parents/care providers, to catch the child being good and working on increasing the frequency of those observations. He then has one focus on how to target behaviors that need modification and goes through how to set up a clear system of expectations and consequences. The use of a token system allows a visual for the child to monitor his/her progress. All of us do better if we have something to work for, even a paycheck, so providing a list of incentives/rewards for children struggling to behave is no different.
Parents, teachers, and othe childccare providers will all benefit from learning these techniques in the order that he has presented them.
Parents, teachers, and othe childccare providers will all benefit from learning these techniques in the order that he has presented them.
I recommend this book all the time.
I have recommended this book umpteen times. (Don't ask me how many "umpteen" is, but it's a lot!) Realistic, understandable, and well explained. The behavior program is based on positive reinforcement, and from the feedback of my clients, it works! One of my favorite prinicples discussed in the book is "catch your child being good". Barkley is one of the giants in our field, and whatever he writes is golden.
Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD NCC LMHC
Author, ADHD Expert, Psychotherapist
Stephanie Moulton Sarkis PhD NCC LMHC
Author, ADHD Expert, Psychotherapist
I'VE READ MANY BOOKS ON CHILDREN AND HOW TO HANDLE THEM. THIS WAS THE BEST BY FAR. IT IS AN EASY READ AND THE PROGRAM ABSOLUTELY WORKS, AS LONG AS YOU ARE CONSISTENT.
As a counselor, this is one of the 1st books i suggest for parents to read that are having problems with their kids.
very informative. Helped me decide if my child was a bad as I thought !! And, she's NOT!!
This is a good book to read. It gives good pointers in helping children who are defiant.
I like the ideas and plans the book has if you are dealing with a defiant child. They suggest implementing one step each week and then proceeding from that point. The method makes sense to me, making it a part of your life is another tough one, however...
Great for parents of normal and abnormal defiant behavior
This is a very helpful book for parents who are discerning DOB vs normal defiance, and want to direct their kids to better behavior and ward off the possibility of DOB in later years. Teaches caregivers how to respond to defiant behavior in simple, easy to implement steps.
Debra Brown: Your Defiant Child
I have found this book to be very helpful in dealing with one of my clients. It was in excellent shape as promised and I would purchase from this seller again.
This is a well written book that will probably help if you have a child that is mildly challenging. If you know or suspect your child has oppositional defiant disorder, get professional help.
Book isn't worth the money, go the library and borrow a copy if you want to read it.
This book earned itself a free flight across the room and into the opposite wall, when I encountered the following definitions, ten pages in:
"Therefore, to answer the question, 'Is there really anything wrong, or is it just me,' you need some reliable objective measures. My colleagues and I consider a child oppositional and defiant when the child demonstrates a pattern of three types of behavior:
"1. The child fails to start doing what you ask within one minute after you make the request (or one minute following the point at which you say the child has to do what you ask, such as after the cartoon he is watching is over)."
Good heavens. Who knew? It seems that I also have a defiant *husband*, as well as a defiant child!! And to be fair, I find out that *I* am also regularly defiant! Don't ask how many times my husband has to ask me to do my taxes, in an average year. Well, on we go...
"2. The child fails to finish what you've asked her to do. Some children may get up and start making their beds as requested right away, but then they run off to do something more appealing in the middle of the chore."
Well, THAT'S certainly not normal. I mean, if it were, we'd have a whole nation of people checking their Facebook pages or thinking about their vacations or talking about last night's episode of Lost, or even SHOPPING ON AMAZON, when they SHOULD be WORKING!!
"3. The child violates rules of conduct already taught. Does your son know that swearing is unacceptable in your house, but he does it anyway? Does your daughter understand the rule, 'no snacks without permission,' but constantly take food from the refrigerator without asking?"
Oh, for pity's sake. Kid drops the f-bomb or raids the fridge and he's diagnosable? What are we raising here, humans or Imperial Storm Trooper Clones? Would you take parenting advice from someone who never did these things? Would you want to BE parented by someone whose demands for compliance were that rigid?
There are some families out there with REAL problems. Kids who do real harm to others and themselves. Kids whose anxieties are so paralyzing that they can't even leave the house. Why are we pathologizing kids who do things that we ALL did, and all STILL do, even as adults?
Okay. Deep breath. Retrieve book from place behind the sofa where it landed. The dust jacket features a recommendation by Ed Hallowell, who's someone I respect. Russell and Christine, Ed's just obtained you your second chance. Don't be wasting my valuable time, now. Give me some worthwhile perspective -- within one minute of me requesting it, please.
"Therefore, to answer the question, 'Is there really anything wrong, or is it just me,' you need some reliable objective measures. My colleagues and I consider a child oppositional and defiant when the child demonstrates a pattern of three types of behavior:
"1. The child fails to start doing what you ask within one minute after you make the request (or one minute following the point at which you say the child has to do what you ask, such as after the cartoon he is watching is over)."
Good heavens. Who knew? It seems that I also have a defiant *husband*, as well as a defiant child!! And to be fair, I find out that *I* am also regularly defiant! Don't ask how many times my husband has to ask me to do my taxes, in an average year. Well, on we go...
"2. The child fails to finish what you've asked her to do. Some children may get up and start making their beds as requested right away, but then they run off to do something more appealing in the middle of the chore."
Well, THAT'S certainly not normal. I mean, if it were, we'd have a whole nation of people checking their Facebook pages or thinking about their vacations or talking about last night's episode of Lost, or even SHOPPING ON AMAZON, when they SHOULD be WORKING!!
"3. The child violates rules of conduct already taught. Does your son know that swearing is unacceptable in your house, but he does it anyway? Does your daughter understand the rule, 'no snacks without permission,' but constantly take food from the refrigerator without asking?"
Oh, for pity's sake. Kid drops the f-bomb or raids the fridge and he's diagnosable? What are we raising here, humans or Imperial Storm Trooper Clones? Would you take parenting advice from someone who never did these things? Would you want to BE parented by someone whose demands for compliance were that rigid?
There are some families out there with REAL problems. Kids who do real harm to others and themselves. Kids whose anxieties are so paralyzing that they can't even leave the house. Why are we pathologizing kids who do things that we ALL did, and all STILL do, even as adults?
Okay. Deep breath. Retrieve book from place behind the sofa where it landed. The dust jacket features a recommendation by Ed Hallowell, who's someone I respect. Russell and Christine, Ed's just obtained you your second chance. Don't be wasting my valuable time, now. Give me some worthwhile perspective -- within one minute of me requesting it, please.
This book is the same as everything else that Dr. Barkley has written. There is nothing new here. It is all negative. "Your kid is a monster" attitude. Give him drugs and he will be fine. Don't waste your money. I want something more positive and helpful.
Better Understanding of My childs behavior
I have read most of this book and have begun to understand my childs behavior a lot better. I will start initiating the plan as soon as I finish reading the book as best as I can, due to the fact that my son lives with his father and is only with me on assigned visits by the courts.
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