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Editorial Reviews
When a child is adopted, he or she can arrive with hurts from past pain. With time, patience, informed parenting, and appropriate therapy, your adopted child can heal, grow, and develop beyond what seems possible now.
Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky explain how to manage a hurting child with loving wisdom and resolve and how to preserve your stability while untangling their thorny hearts.
• Indexed for easy reference.
• Also available: Adopting the Hurt Child
Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky explain how to manage a hurting child with loving wisdom and resolve and how to preserve your stability while untangling their thorny hearts.
• Indexed for easy reference.
• Also available: Adopting the Hurt Child
Related Reviews
HELPFUL , INFORMATIVE & COMFORTING
I am the "Forever Mommy" of three wonderful children under the age of 9. I actually laughed (ALOT) while reading this book and felt tremendous relief to read that I am not insane! Many adoptive families go through the same intensity that we do. There were many great ideas that worked wonderfully - in fact the counselors, doctors and social workers actually wrote down some of the ideas for future reference for other families.
I sent a copy of this book to my mother to give her some insight and education. This is a MUST READ for all family members blessed with an adoptive child!!
Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal an
This is an absolute MUST READ FOR ANYONE WHO HAS ADOPTED a child older than a month. The book's chapter on the destruption a hurt child can bring to a household brought tears to my eyes from my own experience as a "residential" step-mother years ago. It is so accurate. It also helps put it in perspective that the child is not out to get you, but only expressing their own fears in the only way they know how.
The book contains a chapter on what to look for in a therapist if you decide you need that kind of help (and you probably will.) It also contains a fabulous chapter on how to get help at school for your child's special needs.
I think that the most orignal chapter is the chapter that lists a number of activities that you can do with your child that promotes bonding between you and your child. It reminds all of us that we need to have fun with our children and gives us some reminders of just how we might do that.
As a lawyer working in the divorce area, I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book to ALL STEP_PARENTS who are spending long periods of time with a child. It is a beautifully simple, easy-to-understand explanation of bonding problems from the child's
perspective.
I am sure that you will not only find the book helpful, but you will be sharing it with friends. It's cost is very reasonable and if you are having any problems with your adopted child or step-child, it will be the best money you ever spent!
The book contains a chapter on what to look for in a therapist if you decide you need that kind of help (and you probably will.) It also contains a fabulous chapter on how to get help at school for your child's special needs.
I think that the most orignal chapter is the chapter that lists a number of activities that you can do with your child that promotes bonding between you and your child. It reminds all of us that we need to have fun with our children and gives us some reminders of just how we might do that.
As a lawyer working in the divorce area, I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND the book to ALL STEP_PARENTS who are spending long periods of time with a child. It is a beautifully simple, easy-to-understand explanation of bonding problems from the child's
perspective.
I am sure that you will not only find the book helpful, but you will be sharing it with friends. It's cost is very reasonable and if you are having any problems with your adopted child or step-child, it will be the best money you ever spent!
A strongly recommended instruction reference
Parenting The Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal And Grow by Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio's found Gregory C. Keck and Regina M. Kupecky (who works with children having attachment disorders at the Center) is a practical, informative, and "parent friendly" guide to how time, patience, and love can help adopted children heal from past trauma. Individual chapters offer true stories of people who have adopted and been adopted, sound psychological advice, and warnings of oft-used parental techniques that invite failure, such as deprivation without limits, grounding (it's far better to establish that a child needs to get daily permission to stay out late in the first place), and rewards without judicious measurement. Parenting The Hurt Child is a strongly recommended instruction reference for anyone charged with the responsibility of parenting an adopted or foster care child with a traumatic history of emotional neglect or physical abuse.
Excellent for adopted and non-adopted children
We have friends with a "hurt" child and after reading this very helpful and insightful book, I bought them a copy and am told of their increased confidence in handling the little boy. Even if only one single advice in the book helped, the parents would be very grateful.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?
It really gives good insight into the mind of the older adopted child. It tells why conventional parenting techniques don't work on them and what does work and why. It talks about attatchment problems and finding a good therapist that has actually delt with the problems adopted children have.
I would highly recomend it for anyone adopting a child.
I would highly recomend it for anyone adopting a child.
Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow
This book is a must read for families that are considering or who have adopted children from the foster care system or overseas orphanages. In fact, I think it should be required reading for social workers who are placing these children for adoption or providing post adoption services. As an adoptive mother of 5 special needs adopted children, I found this book to be an invaluable resource.
This book is a very down to earth and well written aid for
the pre-adoptive parent. Read all you can on this subject
before you adopt a child with reactive attachment, this
book is a positive, uplifting help. It is easy to read
and understand and is a useful tool for the pre-adoptive
parent.
the pre-adoptive parent. Read all you can on this subject
before you adopt a child with reactive attachment, this
book is a positive, uplifting help. It is easy to read
and understand and is a useful tool for the pre-adoptive
parent.
So full of helpful advice and information !
Fantastic resource for parents of traumatized children. There is just so much information in this book that I can't quite detail it all here in this review. If one were to buy ONE book to help provide info and advice on attachment, discipline, and general parenting of the hurt child--this would be it. Great for mental health clinicians, foster care staff,teachers,and other professionals, also.
For anyone that has a Reactive attachment child this book is a must. I have ready many books on this subject and this was so informative. It was like the author studied my adopted 11 year old and wrote a book about her.
Realistic & Practical Suggestions
The beginning of the book explores many of the issues that accompany foster child adoption, which is helpful in understanding what to expect and why. The second half has lists of suggested activities that address many of these issues. I really liked that it was a realistic portrayal of this way of growing a family. And I loved the suggestions - they were practical and easy to implement.
This book is loaded with helpful information. Granted, the book deals with adoptive families, but a lot of it applies to kids in blended families as well. If you have one of those kids where none of your parenting techniques work on them, and they just won't comply with anyone's expectations, I recommend reading this. I wish I would have discoverd this information years ago.
This is a must read for all pre-adoptive families
After reading close to 20 great books, this one is the one that gave me the most day to day good advice, information and real life case stories. This should be a prerequisite for anyone adopting. It is truly a wealth of information that is written in an easy to read format.
Great book!
Great book!
First book I am reading about attachment issue and this is really helpful. Step by step how to make up the attachment cycle. As manu parents I am taking everything very serious but this book help keep 'Take it easy' level.
Indispensable for Adoptive Families
Absolutely brilliant. I can't imagine any parent of an adopted or foster child not gaining an enormous amount of crucial information about their child from this book. It explains attachment in the context of adoption and also gives detailed very useful advice about what to DO to help the situation, rather than just a lot of theory.
I didn't realize until I got to the end of the book that the publishing company is Christian. None of what is written is from a "Christian" perspective however, so if you're not religious, don't let that stop you from picking this up.
I didn't realize until I got to the end of the book that the publishing company is Christian. None of what is written is from a "Christian" perspective however, so if you're not religious, don't let that stop you from picking this up.
This book was recommended to me by my agency. It was a very good read - filled with very valuable information. However, I am not sure why they didn't recommend I read Keck's 1st book "Adopting the Hurt Child" because it would have made a lot more sense to read that first! A definite read AFTER the 1st book. Great info on discipline techniques you don't generally use when dealing with kids w/out major life traumas. Has good balance of case stories, actions and positive outcomes. Definitely recommended!
My husband and I read this book in preparation for adopting a teen from the fostercare system. We found it very informative on the issues we may be working through.
Great book for Parenting children with challenges
There's a lot about this book that rings true to what goes on at our house. It's got great ideas.
Parenting the hurt child: helping adoptive families heal and grow
This book was amazing, right on with some of the problems facing parents. Good source to help understand the Hurt Child
Excellent Book. A must have for adoptive parents of older children.
This book was very insightful and truly compassionate and understanding with the parents point of view. If you feel like your child has snowed the professionals into thinking your the one who is in serious need of help, then this book is a must read. I felt like I had really found a friend. Someone to put words to my feelings and to give me new insight in to my child's psyche.
A must read for parents of children with RAD
If you have a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) this is a book you must read. It is very informative, enlightening and helpful. It is an excellent reference to go back and read over and over. You can't change the fact a child has RAD. However, you can learn why he does what he does and how to best deal with the many behavioral issues specific to RAD. I found this book to be a eye opener, a relief (explains what you have been living through for who knows how long) and very helpful. A highly recommended read for any parent of a child with RAD, anyone considering international adoption and also for foster parents.
This book was just what I was looking for and I would recommend it to anyone who is adopting a child or fostering a child in their home - The first couple of chapters really hit home with me and the entire book offers practical advice as well as explanations for some of the feelings you and your child may be having as well as reasons for behaviors we might see.
I bought this book in desperation right after we adopted two foreign born boys, ages 7 and 9. The nine year old was totally whacked, behavior wise, and we surmised he had been abused at a young age. He would totally freak if you even tried to correct him, or if he didn't like dinner, whatever. He would sit and holler, scream, kick, bite, break his bedroom furniture, etc. for hours until he wore himself out. This book did go aways to saving our sanity, as did the fact that it improved when his English got better.
Very practical info for those raising, adopting or fostering these very special children.
Apparently this is a very good book but I never received it to find out. The seller never responded to my enquiry although I was very understanding of their delay email regarding the apparent despatch of this book.
Throughout this book there is an assumption that the "hurt" child is one whose biological parent(s) have abused and/or neglected their child. In far too many cases the child becomes "hurt" because overzealous child protection authorities have removed the child from it's biological parent(s)or primary care giver since birth. A classic case like this was Logan Marr (see PBS Frontline "Logan Marr" on the Internet) who became psychologically "hurt" because of her removal from her biological mother and who would not settle down and was killed by her foster carer because she would not accept the foster carer as a new parent.
For the past two years I have had to deal with my own child's real psychological "hurt" from having been unnecessarily removed into foster care and then after two years returned to me as damaged goods. Keck and Kupecky have an arrogant disregard for a child's biological and social need for its own parent(s). This book is merely a "feel good" spin justification for the far too many and unnecessary adoptions and placement of children in out of home care, something which has damaged thousands of innocent and previously unharmed children.
For the past two years I have had to deal with my own child's real psychological "hurt" from having been unnecessarily removed into foster care and then after two years returned to me as damaged goods. Keck and Kupecky have an arrogant disregard for a child's biological and social need for its own parent(s). This book is merely a "feel good" spin justification for the far too many and unnecessary adoptions and placement of children in out of home care, something which has damaged thousands of innocent and previously unharmed children.
Pinon Press commitment to lies.
Every Pinon Press book has a title page with a money back guarantee coupon and information. This is a lie. When you send them the information and title page...they send the envelope back "Return to Sender." There is no listed contact information for the company...just in case you ever feel like giving them feedback. -Or asking them why they lie.
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I tutor at a learning center, and work with children from all types of backgrounds and with all kinds of learning and behavior problems. This book has been very helpful to me. I feel I have successfully applied the techniques and suggestions in Chapter 4, and hopefully have avoided the pitfalls listed in Chapter 3. Chapter 5 has specific activities parents can do to positively affect their interactions with their child. Some activities can be incorporated in a teacher/tutor and child interaction, but they are more for parental interactions. Chapter 6 deals with education and is more for both parents and teachers. At the end of the book the authors present letters told from the viewpoint of both parents and children. If you want to learn about relevant research, Chapter 12, "the Author's Smorgasbord," gives brief descriptions of articles about hurt children. Also, the section "Related Readings" presents a reference list of useful articles. All of the researchers on this list are pioneers in early development and/or very well known for the quality of their research.
What I especially like about this book is that it does not make the parent feel guilty for the current state of their relationship with their child. Those feelings of guilt can hamper the positive growth of the interaction between parent and child. If you are even contemplating this book, or one like it, that says a lot. If you are really in a bind, go straight to Chapter 7 "Surviving When It Feels Like Nothing Works." Good luck and don't give up!