| List Price: | |
| Price: | $15.00 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25. Details... |
| You Save: | $0.00(0.00%) |
| Binding: | Kindle Edition |
| EAN: | |
| Feature: | |
| Label: | Simon & Schuster |
| Publisher: | Simon & Schuster |
| Studio: | Simon & Schuster |
| Tags: |
Editorial Reviews
For more than sixty years the rock-solid, time-tested advice in this book has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives.
Now this previously revised and updated bestseller is available as eBook for the first time to help you achieve your maximum potential throughout the next century! Learn:
* THREE FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
* THE SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
* THE TWELVE WAYS TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
* THE NINE WAYS TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT AROUSING RESENTMENT
Related Reviews
Common sense advice, but beware the unwritten chapter
The first and the best self help program
I read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" many times. It made all the difference in human relations and I made the transition to a people person to the point where I can handle anybody and have developed strong leadership skills.
While the book is great, I really enjoy the cd's. Nice 8 pack that helps to reinforce the material while driving around. Great program.
Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was the first and best self help book. In my opinion it is still the best.
THE FUNDAMENTALS
? "Speak ill of no man and speak all the good you know of everyone."
People react very badly to criticism; don't do it, not to their face nor behind their back ... especially not behind their back.
? Say "Thank You".
Express appreciation. People yearn, yearn to be appreciated.
? Talk about what people want and help them get it.
"Arouse in others an eager want."
Corollary: let others take credit for your ideas; they'll like your ideas a lot more if they believe them to be their own.
WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
? Be happy to see people.
Greet everyone you meet and show an interest in them. Remember the things that are important to them.
? Smile!
? Remembers peoples' names!!
Remember it, use it when talking to them. A person's name sounds beautiful to them.
? Draw people out.
Encourage them to talk about themselves and their interests.
? Actively research the other person's interests.
? Every person you meet feels themselves superior to you in some way.
Strain to find out what that is and recognize their importance. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen to you for hours.
WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
? Don't argue!
Give in! Agree that the other person is right; often they are and if they aren't, you'll never convince them of it by arguing.
? Don't ever tell a person they're wrong.
They may be but telling them so is always counterproductive. It is difficult for a person to admit to themselves that they are wrong; harder still to admit it to others.
? If you know you're wrong, admit it.
Openly and freely admit whenever you're wrong. And always leave open the possibility that you're wrong even of you think you aren't.
? Friendliness begets friendliness.
Always begin that way. Don't accuse.
? Never neglect a kindness.
Look for ways to do or say something nice.
? Start out by emphasizing areas of agreement.
When a person has said "no" it's hard to get them to change even if they know they're wrong.
? Let the other person do most of the talking.
Listen patiently and don't interrupt. Let your friends be better than you.
? Let people come to your conclusions.
First, tell me what you expect of me; then tell me what I can expect of you. People will generally live up to the commitments they make to you as long as they came up with them on their own.
? Think always in terms of the other person's point of view.
Where they stand depends on where they sit; figure out where they're sitting.
? ? of the people you will ever meet are dying for sympathy.
Give it to them and they will love you.
? A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
? Dramatize your ideas.
"Don't use logic; tell stories." Make your ideas visible, concrete. Bear in mind that people don't know until you show them what you mean.
? Stimulate in others their innate desire to excel (perhaps through a friendly challenge or through competition).
BE A LEADER
? Don't go sailing into difficult interpersonal situations with guns blazing. You'll always get a negative reaction.
? Change "but" into "and".
Be indirect in your criticism. Praise before you condemn.
? Ask questions rather than giving orders.
? Be very careful to help others preserve their dignity.
? People crave recognition: praise the smallest improvement and praise every improvement.
? Treat people as though they had the virtues you wished they possessed.
Give them a reputation to live up to and they will work like crazy to live up to it.
? Praise the good; minimize the bad: encourage.
Make achievement seem possible. Take and encourage little baby steps. Seek out even the most insignificant of successes.
? Napoleon: I could conquer the world if only I had enough ribbon.
I was ready to quit. Nobody I knew would be a good candidate for a business and meeting new people and approaching them on a business opportunity scared the heck out of me.
He suggested that I read How To Win Friends and Influence People and that this book would teach me what I needed to know to develop the ability to positively influence other people. Cool.
I read the book and it worked. I overcame my fears and created a great downline. Now I am recommending How To Win Friends and Influence People to everyone I know. By the way, I also overcame my fear of public speaking and am conducting both business presentations and trainings for my reps.
The book is great. I highly recommend it.
Still the best human relations book
I've been through 6 copies so far. Great book. Highly recommended.
How To Motivate People: A Must Read!
How to Win Friends and Influence People is a great place to start. Although its title provokes images of snake oil salesmen, or Chris Farley's Saturday Night Live bit as Matt Foley, motivational speaker, the book is filled with timeless instruction written in plain language. For example, in his chapter on listening skills, Carnegie explains why listening is so important:
"Remember that the people you are talking to are 100 times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. Remember that a person's toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people."
Although the book was originally penned in 1936, it has been updated over the years and its popularity has not diminished. It contains thirty principles of human behavior that are illustrated with copious examples. Quotations and anecdotes are included from scores of historical figures including Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Sigmund Freud, Charles Schwab, and Confucius. I found the top ten principles to include the following:
* Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
* Give honest and sincere appreciation.
* Become genuinely interested in other people.
* If you are wrong, admit it quickly andemphatically.
* Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
* Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view
* Dramatize your ideas.
* Let the other person save face.
* Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
* Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
If you can get past the title, I highly recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People as guidebook for motivating people.
I was really surprised as to how much this book matters and how much I learned by reading it. Yes, some of the advice may be obvious, but it brings the correct way in which to interact with others to the forefront of the mind and that's why it's so valuable.
The best book I have honestly ever read.
Recently though, I noticed some growing criticism of the book and its teaching, and I thought that this would be a good time for me to refresh what I learned from the book and assess its quality based on the experience I've gained since the first time I read the book. So I bought the unabridged audiotapes of the book and listened to it whenever I was in the car.
Mr. Carnegie said somewhere in the book that if one thing you learn from the book, which is the ability to understand the different views of other people in different situations, then that would be enough. And I agree wholeheartedly.
My judgment is that this book will indeed teach you how to understand the motives and the different forces playing in the different people you meet. Humans all across the globe share basic needs and characteristics that play a major role in forming their attitudes and decisions. Understanding those factors and satisfying them will be the most effective method of influence you'll ever need.
Mr. Carnegie begins the book with the foundations of developing this skill of understanding others. He extends three principles that if applied will help you identify what other people want and how you can satisfy them. After that he introduces six ways to make people like you. These methods hover around the same three principles mentioned in the beginning of the book. After that the author discusses in two parts methods and principles that help you influence people to your way of thinking.
All of this seems interesting but why are people criticizing this book, you wonder. The first issue with this book is the title. It says "How to win friends and influence people." I would have called it "How to make people like you and influence their behavior." The methods Dale introduces aren't for winning friends. You don't win friends by avoiding arguments and by projecting enthusiasm that is not honest. You'll only have them like you, but they are not won as friends, yet at least. Honesty is absent in Carnegie's teachings, and sometimes even unadvised! In one story he tells of a manager of a singer who would lie to the singer just to get him on stage!
Another observation I had on the book was the relevance of some of the stories to the principle being introduced. Some of those principles would not have worked in the stories he mentioned have the circumstances been even little different! Yet Dale would acclaim the introduced principle as the reason that the story reached the happy ending it did. But, to the benefit of the author, this happened only a few times overall and it doesn't degrade the whole quality of the book.
Nevertheless, the lack of emphasis on honesty is a serious issue. This has caused many reviewers to warn readers from reading this book. But here is where I disagree.
You'll need to read this book to learn the methods, not just to be able to understand other people, but also to be ready when others are applying them to influence you. I'll have to agree that some of these methods are extremely powerful especially if the receiver isn't ready for them. Reading this book will make you resilient to the weapons of many unwanted salesmen and negotiators.
My advice is to read but with caution. Learn the methods but always remember that honesty should always be present when these methods are being applied.
The best book on human relations
I saw people drive away in Jaquars, Mercedes, BMW's, Cadillacs, Lincolns and Lexus's.
I also met people who were people-people, understood the value of people skills and wanted to imporve on those skills.
How to Win Friends and Influence People is a classic. It may have been written back in the 30's but remember, we are talking people and people haven't changed. This is your first start to great human relations. A must read for anyone who deals with people (that should be just about everybody but a caveman)
Thank you Mr. Carnegie. Great book.
The # 1 book on human relations
Also, take a look at what is going on in the world. If even there was a time when people needed people skills it is now. Take a look at the Democrat Party. If ever there was a group that needed people skills, it is there.
If I had to pick out just one point that is the most important in this book it is being genuinely interested in the other person. In fact, I think a lot of reviewers here on this board can take a clue from that one.
How To Win Friends and Influence People is a fantastic book---more valuable now than ever.
Buy it - read it - use it.
Compelling book on developing social skills
However, this book was written a long time ago, for people with average or better communications skills. If you're shy and introverted, or have autism or Asperger's, this is not the book to coax you out of yourself. This isn't to say it's of no use to an introverted person, but using the techniques advocated will be more of a challenge.
Each chapter ends with a principle
Sometimes this book is criticized as simplistic or manipulative. It is simple, and it could be used to manipulate people, but it is a highly practical book, and the principles can also be used to help you treat people the way you would like to be treated. When you do that, people go out of their way to be nice to you. That's basic, good human relations. This book has been around so long because nothing else has ever come along that does the job so well.
Another really good book is Adam Khan's "Self-Help Stuff That Works." (Youme Works; ISBN: 0962465674). That book has great references and he uses the same chapter ending principle style as Carnegie! You won't find it at the bookstore, but you will find it here.
A Winner of a Book; a must read for business success!
This book is really helpful for business. I am responsible for sales and there are ideas that Mr. Carnegie shares that I have found very helpful. Mr. Carnegie shares stories about how some salespeople can have incredible success by following simple ideas. One idea is to be truthful and to show passion for what you sell. Someone that is passionate about the insurance policy they are selling is going to be more effective than someone who is indifferent. I loved this book so much, that I am buying this book for my staff and will share it immediately.
I have also found real success after reading the book, "How to Create a Magical Relationship" by Ariel and Shya Kane. This book was also incredibly profound and I have found that after reading it, my life is richer and more rewarding. The Kane's' book resonates with the principles of Dale Carnegie. One of the main precepts having magical relationships is about taking 100% responsibility for the relationship. Honesty, integrity and passion are also traits that are common between the Kanes and Carnegie. Wonderful relationships are allowed to flower when we take the focus off ourselves and take care of others. It is tremendously rewarding and powerful. The concept of "true" listening is also important to both authors. I've come to believe that most of us think that we are listening, but what true listening entails is that you listen to what the other person is saying from their point of view. I have really enjoyed both of these books tremendously and heartily recommend both of them.
Great Book with Timeless Ideas!
The book is filled with many more ideas that are both simple and almost common sense, yet are very profound, especially in the fast paced society of today, where few people take the time to become interested in other people or even to slow down enough to listen to other people. (Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.) The author illustrates all his principles with a wealth of stories and practical example. This is a classic!
Another book that you will probably like if you like "How to Win Friends" is a book by Ariel and Shya Kane called "WORKING ON YOURSELF DOESN'T WORK." This book also talks about what true listening is, and how to be more present in your communications, in your interactions with other people, as well as how to be more centered with yourself. The chapter about "Being Right" versus "Being Alive" is priceless!
I have found that following its advice does not make me phony or narcissistic - rather just the opposite (I suppose you can choose to try to pretend to care about people, but people are wiser than that). The book promotes understanding others' behavior and could have the very positive effect of reducing day-to-day conflict. Your blood pressure could lower and relationships flourish. It certainly has had this effect in my life.
And the(at times)dated language? Classic!
I recommend it highly!
"Doing unto others as you would have others do unto you"
The book is organized in four parts, namely:
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:
- Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
- Give honest and sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways to Make People Like You:
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Smile.
- Remember that a persons name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
- Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking:
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You are Wrong."
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatize your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
Be a leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation
- Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
- Let the other person save face
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "Hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Every principle is backed up by stories and examples of famous people, great leaders and the author himself showing how the principle in question was used to their advantage, and also showing the negative consequences of situations where the principles were neglected. The author writes in probably the same manner as he spoke, in an intensively exuberant, colloquial, conversational manner.
I regard this book to be on of the most important I have ever read regarding Interpersonal Relations, and as the author states in the beginning chapter "15 percent of one's financial success is due to one's technical knowledge and about 85 percent is due to skill in human engineering, to personality and the ability to lead people.". Personally I think the figures are much higher than that, but in either case this book can change ones life immensely to the better if used and applied. I encourage everybody regardless of their current situation to read this book, if they have not already, and if they have to read it again.
It is truly a classic worth reading!
Golden rule told a million times over
Many of the ideas are echoed years later in Steven Covey's, "7 Habits of Highly Successful People," for good reason...they are timeless. The concept of valuing humanity never turns with the times. Carnegie engagingly reminds us of the power of a name and the importance to work on knowing and using another's name. He speaks of listening, showing genuine interest in what another has to say, argument avoidance, showing sincere appreciation, and does so in easy to remember and practiceable dictums.
It's a book to be read, a book to be practiced, a book to be given. It's a book that keeps on giving, a book that makes you more human and in such a way you'll find yourself as an afterthought gaining friends and keeping company with people wonderful people.
Create Irresistible Positive Feedback for Virtuous Success
As I ask more questions, I soon learn that the person I am talking to is totally thinking about the issue from her or his perspective, not the perspective of the person they want to influence. Carnegie describes a situation where he and his son couldn't get a calf into the barn. They pushed and pulled, and nothing worked. A maid came out, stuck her finger into the calf's mouth to simulate feeding and the calf followed her right into the barn.
As you can tell from that example, Carnegie is a student of the stimulus-response school of human behavior. The book is divided into four sections: Handling People; Getting People to Like You; Getting People to Agree with You; and Being a Leader. Each section is comprised of a few principles, which are each exemplified in a short chapter with a number of examples. Handling people has to do with avoiding the negative and unpleasant, appreciating the other person, and making the other person eager to accomplish some goal of their own.
Each section follows the same format. Basically, it's the same way that you train any living being. You provide positive feedback to the person which makes them feel better, the person responds positively to you making you feel better, you then help the other person to link what you want to share with them with something they want.
Many people will be offended by this idea. I have long studied that reaction and find that it relates to one of two basic assumptions: (1) the decision to act should be based on the objective merits (if I deal with emotions, I am being manipulative) or (2) I want you to acknowledge that I am right, that you are wrong, and that I am superior to you because I am right. Both of those perspectives get in the way of establishing warm human relationships. If you would rather do things without emotion, your life will be very dull. If you would always like to be right, you will be very lonely (even if you really are right).
Let's look at a more fundamental question. Can these techniques be used for questionable purpoes? Probably, is my answer. However, at some point, the person's manipulative game will be found out. See Robert Cialdini's book, Influence, on what happens to smugglers of influence over time.
The best results will come from those who have integrity and are principled. They and everyone else can see that they are pursuing something with another person that is in the best interests of that person, and that there are no hidden agendas. Here is where I think Carnegie is a little weak. You get the impression from the book that hidden agendas are okay. My experience is that all agendas should be totally upfront. Don't pretend you are trying to help someone, when all you are trying to do is sell them something they don't need. Do encourage them to get the information they need to make a good decision for themselves about your idea, product, or service. Leave the whole circumstance with a stronger, more trustworthy relationship than you started with. That's how I interpret the Dale Carnegie principles.
If you really would like to get better results in your human relationships, this book is essential reading. To skip this book would be like skipping reading and arithmetic in grade school. It contains essential tools that everyone needs to understand. Since these things are seldom taught in schools, this is a good place to start.
Modern gurus of human relationships and effectiveness like Stephen Covey and Tony Robbins have a substantial debt to Dale Carnegie. If you read all of them, you will tend to reinforce your new habits. I like the Covey and Robbins approaches as a complement to Carnegie, because both authors focus on having principles at the center of what you do. That will help reduce the risk of turning Carnegie into techniques that lead to suboptimal results, instead of a mutually reinforcing virtuous cycle for everyone.
Researchers consistently show that success in many fields (such as business, politics, and teaching) is very closely related to one's social skills. Many people will work very hard to be more successful, but skimp on the relationship aspects. That's a mistake. Work on the relationships first.
Enjoy having easier interactions with others, having more friends, being more influential on important subjects, being more open to being influenced by others, and leading where it needs doing!
This book is timeless! I highly recommend it!
They did revise the book in 1981 so today's reader could recognize and relate to the people spoken about in the book. There are many things I liked about this book but what I found most valuable were the Principles discussed such as the one on page 62: "Be genuinely interested in other people", and the one on page 88: "Be a good listener, Encourage others to talk about themselves." The book tells you how to be a better person, how to be the best you can be, and especially relate well to others so you can have a more fulfilling satisfying life. This to me is very important.
This book is fun and very interesting. It is filled with stories to compliment the different Principles discussed. I found it very enjoyable and I highly recommend it to anyone interested in learning how to communicate and relate better.
Another book I recently read, enjoyed and recommend is called "Working on Yourself Doesn't Work" by Ariel and Shya Kane. This book also talks about specific Principles that are applicable and practical in today's world. The Kane's also have some great audio tapes that I purchased called: "Magical Relationships" and "Roots of Satisfaction".
A great book on interpersonal relations.
Required reading for any entrepreneur
My real intent in making this review is to get you to pick up a copy of this book and absorb every nugget, so your relationships will increase and improve.
One complaint I have is that the table of contents does not very well summarize the maxims. They are, however, listed in a table at the end of each of the sections. I'll combine them here by their major sections.
Fundamentals for handling people: Don't be critical. Be sincerely appreciative, not flattering. Arouse in the other person an eager want, by focusing on their needs instead of yours.
Making people like you: Get others to do most of the talking. Listen well, and make them feel important. Then they'll feel so good about being listened to that they'll do anything for you.
Win people to your way of thinking: Always start in a friendly way, and be dramatic! See things from the other person's point of view, and be sympathetic with that view.
Leadership: Give lots of genuine praise, and be encouraging. Talk about your own mistakes first, and make his faults seem easy to correct. Ask questions instead of giving orders. Give the other person person a fine reputation to live up to, and let him save face.
Some of the lessons in the book are especially challenging to apply; e.g., making other people feel like your ideas are their own. A fundamental part of an entrepreneur's livelihood is idea generation. But ideas supposedly are not terribly valuable on their own (it's the execution that counts), so maybe this maxim is still valid. This seems to underscore the importance of having a lot of trust in your business partner(s).
I've noticed that a lot of people don't call me by my name; maybe just because it's slightly uncommon. I do make an effort to remember someone's name and use it with some frequency. It was encouraging to hear Carnegie underscore this. He's right -- it does feel good when someone addresses me properly.
I'm going to change my approach to making requests of people. I have a habit of getting right to the point and immediately stating what I want and why. That's probably why so many of my requests go unanswered! A general theme in the book is that getting what you want involves some indirection. I.e., think of things from the other person's perspective and present things from an angle of how they are the beneficiary.
Overall, lots of Carnegie's ideas are common sense, but it still was useful to hear him voice them. Some of the principles are not so obvious and I probably wouldn't have ever discovered them on my own. I toted this book around with me for a couple weeks and found that having the ideas fresh in my head greatly improved my interactions with people. For this reason, I think this book (or its summary) would be highly valuable to skim over before every important meeting.
Powerful book that stands the test of time
The information works just as well today as it did when it was written some 70 years ago. Remember, people are people. What motivated people 70 years ago still motivates them today. What worked on making friends and influencing people 70 years ago still works today. Unless you are a hermit living alone with no outside contacts, you can and will benefit from using this book.
I was not a very good people person at first. In fact, I was lousy at people skills. Then I met a businessman who was the most remarkable people person I have ever met. He was likeable and he liked you. He had so much charisma. Everyone flocked around this guy and I can tell you it wasn't because of his looks. This guy was very ordinary looking but had extraordinary people skills. And it showed. HE LIKED PEOPLE. He showed a strong interest in everyone he met. He immediately remembered your name and next time you saw him he would call you by name and ask how you_____ whatever was doing. He remembered your interests, because he was interested enough to do so.
We tested him one time by putting him in a new assignment with 600 new people. He memorized all 600 people, knew their spouses names, what dept they worked in and what their primary interest was! Remarkable! How did he do it? Because he was interested in people. He always called people by their first and last names. It wasn't "Hey you from section 9." It was "Hi Bob, Jerry, Kerri, Tom or whatever."
Later I discovered that this guyw as a Dale Carnegie student. He had read numerous times How To Win Friends and Influence People. But more than having read it, he mastered it. He put as much effort into learning the techniques in this book as he did in getting his various degrees from college.
I have to admit that I had read How To Win Friends and Influence People in high school and tossed it aside. I forgot most of what I had read even though I thought I knew it all. After meeting with the above master people person, I decided to go out and actually buy a copy of this book and started to apply everything. Immediately, I noticed a change in how people treated me (I felt like they were treating me okay before). People were friendlier towards me and my ability to influence them increased substantially. What was the difference? Did my personality suddenly change? No. What changed was the way I treated people and because I had become conscious on how to treat people it sent out waves that actually attracted people to me, made me more likeable, and gave me the skills to become a better people person.
I have since bought other Carnegie books and enrolled in the Dale Carnegie course in my area. Carnegie's methods made all the difference in my life and will do the same for you too.
Try it. You'll like it.
"Timeless classic for success in life!"
If you do even some of the things this book suggests, you will have a more successful marriage, a more successful career, and your neighbors will like you a lot more. It is just as simple as that. This stuff is very basic, and it really works, and most people don't do it.
If you find people don't like you sometimes and can't figure out why, this book will probably come in handy. If you have personality "differences" at work, a few select techniques can turn an enemy into a staunch supporter.
If you are in sales, consulting, or any other profession that has you working with customers, you need this. If you want to get along better with your mate, this will help you. If you live in a makeshift shack in Montana and don't see people all that much, and your nickname is "Crazy Ted," you probably don't need this book unless you are considering a lifestyle change.
My advice - get the book and the CDs. Read the book. Reread it. Use the CDs over time to listen to various chapters when you have some free time. It is amazing how following such simple advice can almost effortlessly change your life, almost overnight.
AN OLD FAVOURITE...STILL RANKS AT THE TOP!
Part of the reason why people do not get what they want in life, master what they set out to accomplish, or reach their goals is a matter of not knowing the right approach which will help you achieve your full potential. Very few people ever achieve their full potential in a lifetime. You can be the best there is at your profession, trade or specialized skill, but if you do not have strong interpersonal relationship skills (better known as people skills,) you will not maximize your full potential. Who do you communicate with on a daily basis? Business managers, employees, suppliers, bankers, co-workers, friends, family, neighbours, delivery people, store clerks, teachers, waiters/waitresses - that adds up to a LOT of people. Those who know how to win friends and influence people, follow what is often known as the, "Bambi approach," if you do not have anything good to say - say nothing!" How many people actually live up to that philosophy in all aspects of everyday life? Yet, if we are going to communicate, we certainly must say something of value in an intelligent, respecful and positive way. Dale Carnegie had an amazing, natural ability to understand people and successfully communicate with them. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" has sold over 15 million copies around the world, and once you read it, you will fully understand why. No other book on the market today, quite presents the message for success the way Dale Carnegie has mastered in this excellent long-standing, literary success.
Worth reading, but be your own judge
However, the first time I attempted to systematically put this book into practice, I was working with a domineering, loud, opinionated and outspoken person who subsequently stamped all over me and my "Carnegie" principles. True, many people (maybe a majority) will respond positively when you practice Dale Carnegie's plan, but there is a sizeable minority who will walk all over you regardless.
And a person who has self-image problems? I hate to say it, but Dale Carnegie's book can set them up to be mowed over.
I have balanced Dale Carnegie with Manuel J. Smith's book WHEN I SAY NO I FEEL GUILTY. I found it more effective when I built a good, healthy respect for myself first. Then guess what! I found myself winning more friends and influencing more people!
This Book Will Revolutionize Your Life
Here are the principles:
Gain Cooperation Win People to Your Way of Thinking
*To get the best of an argument - avoid it *Show respect for the person's opinion. Never tell a person he or she is wrong *If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically *Begin a friendly way *Get the other person saying "yes" immediately *Let the other person do a great deal of talking *Let the other person know the idea is his or hers *Try honestly to see things from the other person's ideas and desire.
*Appeal to the nobler motives *Dramatize your ideas
Six Ways To Make People Like You
*Become genuinely interested in other people *Smile *Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language *Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves *Talk in terms of other person's interests *Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely
The Most Valuable Book You Could Ever Read!
NOT the book Dale Carnegie wrote
Best Communication Skills mastering book ever
Not only will it help you in communicating and negotiating more effectively, but you will enjoy your time reading it with all real life examples and stories.
I've prepared a summary for my daily reference, I believe you will benefit from it too:
PART I
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:
1. Don't Criticize, condemn or complain
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
PART II
Principles of making people like you
1. Become genuinely interested in the other people.
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language, so remember names
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests
6. Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely
PART III
Principles for winning people to your way of thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions, never say, "you are wronge"
3. If you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically
4. Begin in a friendly way
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately by asking them questions that they would probably answer by yes.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires
10. Appeal to the nobler motives like saying: As a gentleman who is known for his kindness, I believe you would do this or that.
11. Dramatize your ideas, use visual aids.
12. Throw down a challenge, I know you are capable of doing this or that.
PART IV
Be a leader, how to change people without arousing resentment
1. Begin with a praise and honest appreciation
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
3. Talk about your mistakes before criticizing the other person
4. Ask question instead of giving direct orders. Like what do you think about doing this or that, instead of saying do this or don't do that.
5. Let the other person save face
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
9. Make the other person happy about doing the think you suggest
A Book that changed my life... Positively.
Let me summarize what happened since then:I was able to score A's in almost all accounting, management and finance subjects. Made my GPA from below 3 to more than 3.5 out of 4 and was awarded for this achievement. ALso, was able to secure a great job.
Applying the same principles I even succeeded in my career path, where I was able to be a Certified Public Accountant(CPA)(scoring 90 in accounting part that I used to struggle with in college), and Certfied Information Systems Auditor(CISA). Both qualification passed from first attempt!
In my career I was able to more than trippled my income in five years. Mostly from applying principles of how to deal with people positively and sincerely.
The above are the results from the author's excellent advice that if followed sincerely would most probably achieve excellent results. The earlier the change the better.
One main thing I learned, if you want to change things around you, you must start with yourself.
His work has inspired me, and I wish it does the same(if not more) to each reader's life. Thank you Dale Carnegie, your memories still live in many people's heart because of your timeless work.
Also, don't be distracted by the 1931 copyright on this book. Sharing the credit for a job well done and accepting blame where you are at fault is as valuable today as it was 73 years ago. Buy and read this book, it is a part of our cultural literacy and you don't want to be left behind.
Positive Feedback Creates Positive Change!
As a management consultant, I am always asking our clients and potential clients what their major issues are. It almost always boils down to persuading someone else to change. In many situations, the person describes the situation as getting worse rather than better.
As I ask more questions, I soon learn that the person I am talking to is totally thinking about the issue from her or his perspective, not the perspective of the person they want to influence. Carnegie describes a situation where he and his son couldn't get a calf into the barn. They pushed and pulled, and nothing worked. A maid came out, stuck her finger into the calf's mouth to simulate feeding and the calf followed her right into the barn.
As you can tell from that example, Carnegie is a student of the stimulus-response school of human behavior. The book is divided into four sections: Handling People; Getting People to Like You; Getting People to Agree with You; and Being a Leader. Each section is comprised of a few principles, which are each exemplified in a short chapter with a number of examples. Handling people has to do with avoiding the negative and unpleasant, appreciating the other person, and making the other person eager to accomplish some goal of their own.
Each section follows the same format. Basically, it's the same way that you train any living being. You provide positive feedback to the person which makes them feel better, the person responds positively to you making you feel better, you then help the other person to link what you want to share with them with something they want.
Many people will be offended by this idea. I have long studied that reaction and find that it relates to one of two basic assumptions: (1) the decision to act should be based on the objective merits (if I deal with emotions, I am being manipulative) or (2) I want you to acknowledge that I am right, that you are wrong, and that I am superior to you because I am right. Both of those perspectives get in the way of establishing warm human relationships. If you would rather do things without emotion, your life will be very dull. If you would always like to be right, you will be very lonely (even if you really are right).
Let's look at a more fundamental question. Can these techniques be used for questionable purpoes? Probably, is my answer. However, at some point, the person's manipulative game will be found out. See Robert Cialdini's book, Influence, on what happens to smugglers of influence over time.
The best results will come from those who have integrity and are principled. They and everyone else can see that they are pursuing something with another person that is in the best interests of that person, and that there are no hidden agendas. Here is where I think Carnegie is a little weak. You get the impression from the book that hidden agendas are okay. My experience is that all agendas should be totally upfront. Don't pretend you are trying to help someone, when all you are trying to do is sell them something they don't need. Do encourage them to get the information they need to make a good decision for themselves about your idea, product, or service. Leave the whole circumstance with a stronger, more trustworthy relationship than you started with. That's how I interpret the Dale Carnegie principles.
If you really would like to get better results in your human relationships, this book is essential reading. To skip this book would be like skipping reading and arithmetic in grade school. It contains essential tools that everyone needs to understand. Since these things are seldom taught in schools, this is a good place to start.
Modern gurus of human relationships and effectiveness like Stephen Covey and Tony Robbins have a substantial debt to Dale Carnegie. If you read all of them, you will tend to reinforce your new habits. I like the Covey and Robbins approaches as a complement to Carnegie, because both authors focus on having principles at the center of what you do. That will help reduce the risk of turning Carnegie into techniques that lead to suboptimal results, instead of a mutually reinforcing virtuous cycle for everyone.
Researchers consistently show that success in many fields (such as business, politics, and teaching) is very closely related to one's social skills. Many people will work very hard to be more successful, but skimp on the relationship aspects. That's a mistake. Work on the relationships first.
I also recommend Daniel Goleman's "Working with Emotional Intelligence" to understand these concepts and the new book, "NLP Masterclass," to help you extend these lessons with specific skills.
Enjoy having easier interactions with others, having more friends, being more influential on important subjects, being more open to being influenced by others, and leading where it needs doing!
After you finish reading this book, think about where you are trying to pull a calf where you want the calf to go.
This book is endlessly simple and deceptively complex
Aaron J. Ruckman
A shade long in the tooth, but still packs a punch
That said, I feel that what Carnegie himself began to discover was, that in order to be a better person one must embody the 'techniques' offered in the book, so that they become you. You must fully internalise the ideas, living and breathing them so the radiate forth with utmost clarity and sincerity. I dare say that when Carnegie first set out he wasn't that way inclined. However as he practised his Way longer and harder and underwent his spiritual and personal growth then he became to realise that in order to REALLY 'Win Friends and Influence People' it is the heart and soul of the individual that is of importance. Any fool can (and does) go through the motions, but it is humanity and deepest sincerity that connects human beings together; and if they happen to be seller/buyer then that's just the way things are. What we are effectively presented with here here is one man's personal spiritual journey, the memoirs of one man's route up the Path of life and in that regard this book is a gem.
Ultimately this is an admirable piece of work that has stood well against the shifting sands of time and should simple be one of a NUMBER of books the enquiring mind should be reading; simply being one piece of the jigsaw. Once you have read and digested this then I thoroughly recommend the next level, Dr. Covey's '7 Habits of Highly Effective People', though that work (and many others) clearly benefited enormous from the early groundwork done by Carnegie, it is in a different league altogether; highly recommended.
Overall I find the book to provide a very good basis for dealing with people. Since listening to the audio book, I have found myself in relational situations where I recall and apply one of Carnegie's principles. Often they work with amazing results. Here is list of some of Carnegie's simple but effective maxims.
1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
5. Smile.
6. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
8. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
9. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
Having read other books on human relations, I still believe "How to Win Friends and Influence People" (first published while Herbert Hoover was in the Whitehouse) is the best. The audio book version has received some updating. In the midst of stories from a different era, an example from the life of Stevie Wonder is thrown into the mix. Regardless of what time the stories come from, the principles of How to Win Friends and Influence People are still as valuable and applicable today as they were the day the book was originally released.
Skills we already know but may take for granted...
Some of the theory described is how we should remember others' names, talk in terms of their interests, let the other person think the idea is his, and most importantly always allow the other person to save face. Promoting understanding other peoples behavior and this may have very positive effect of reducing day-to-day conflict.
Some of the book may come off as Phony, but I think it is how you read it. You are not being phony if you apply this in your life if you truly do care about other people. I have heard a lot about this book and read all the reviews. This is certainly a book that you cannot take what other people have to say, you need to read it and then judge for yourself.
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie
have been proven to work in a multiplicity of situations at
work, at home and in societal contexts. The work emphasizes
important aspects of human nature that are not taught in texts.
In many ways, the volume is a precursor to the personal relations art taught by Tony Robbins and others in the field.
Carnegie stresses that every person cherishes the desire to be
great amongst a motley mixture of wishes. We all want health,
food, sleep, money, a peaceful afterlife, sexual gratification,
the well-being of family and a feeling of importance. Above else,
the desire to feel important is the distinguishing characteristic
between people and wildlife. In addition, the author describes
the importance of listening to another's viewpoint before
formulating an alternative argument. This is critical for
a salesperson. Too many salespeople try to sell based upon
what they think people need .
The art of selling is to listen to the customer's explanation of what he/she needs and wants before making a pitch. An important personal trait is to listen to other people rather than initially trying to make them like you. In addition, people like to be called by their first name. The more you find out about a person-the more you can relate to them on a personal level and gain their trust and interest.
Another important rule is to always make the other person feel important in any type of relationship. "In a nutshell, there are six ways to make people like you:
RULE 1: Become genuinely interested in others
RULE 2: Smile
RULE 3: Remember that a man's (person's) name is to him the
sweetest and most important sound
RULE 4: Be a good listener
RULE 5: Talk in terms of the other man's interest
RULE 6: Make the other person feel important-and do it sincerely"
Another important aspect of dealing with people involves
calling attention to people's shortcomings and errors indirectly.
The author provides a detailed analysis of how Roosevelt made
appointments in consultation with the local political bosses.
He asked for input. He rejected as many candidates as necessary
until the bosses submitted a qualified candidate. Then he would
thank the political bosses for their input. In this way, he
pushed through many types of reforms which otherwise would have
been impossible.
Lastly, Carnegie lists 9 important ways to get people to do things without offending them:
RULE 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
RULE 2: Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
RULE 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other
person.
RULE 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
RULE 5: Let the other person save face.
RULE 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every
improvement.
RULE 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
RULE 8: Use encouragement.
Rule 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you
suggest.
For wives, Carnegie advises to:
1. Give your husband complete freedom in business or career
matters.
2. Make the home attractive.
3. Vary the menu
4. Have an intelligent grasp of the spouse's business to discuss
it intelligently
5. Meet financial problems maturely
6. Make a special effort to get along with relatives
7. Dress with an eye to your spouse's favorite colors
8. Compromise on little differences of opinion to make room
for negotiation on the bigger and more important things
9. Make an effort to learn games your spouse likes to play
10. Keep track of the day's news and interesting things to talk
about
This book will complement any formal education -no matter how
extensive. It should be required reading for anyone who manages
people. It is also quite helpful in managing personal and
family business. This book has stood the test of time. It is
as priceless today as a half century or more ago.
People spend thousands of dollars on motivational seminars and
courses. The essence of any motivational course is explained
concisely by Carnegie in this work. It is well worth purchasing
and re-reading when the time affords. The acquisition is
priced reasonably for the value of the information content.
This book should be requried reading for all college students. The insight into pratical psychology is fantastic. There are many "Sales Experts" who use this book as a reference.
If you are in a job where you must deal with people or you have a spouse, this book could change your life!
This book rates 7 stars!
IT REALLY WORKS, YOU MUST READ IT
A Masterpiece on the Subject of People Skills
It's been proven that success in any field is related MORE to "people skills" than to mere "technical know-how". And, NO-ONE has put together the principles by which these skills can be acquired better than Dale Carnegie.
A Classic Self-Help Book from 1937
The author also suggests that you read each chapter twice and continue to read the book until you have mastered the principles in each chapter. As someone who reads a ton of book I can say that the points come across very easily and there is no need to read the book a second time. The conversational style is easy to read and the main points are reiterated at the end of each chapter.
By reading this book you will realize what people really want to hear. This will however require you to have some interest in the people you are talking to. Most of the principles will come naturally to you if you genuinely love people and have their best interest at heart. A lot of the advice is simply about being polite and acting in a loving manner.
This book is filled with practical ideas you can put into practice immediately. It should not be difficult to smile more, say people's names, give someone your rapt attention, listen intently, make a person feel important or avoid arguments.
While the first chapter indicates that you should not criticize, condemn or complain there is a chapter on how to criticize without being hated for it. Managers will especially enjoy the fourth section of the book that talks about how to change people without being offensive.
While reading this classic book I did think of one of my friendships in which I do mostly everything right. When you love a person you will naturally do many of the things in this book. I have also been careless with friendships in the past and didn't follow some of the ideas in this book. You can easily lose a friendship by criticizing or even stating some small complaint. So by looking at your own life you can prove the ideas to be correct or incorrect in a matter of minutes.
I'd recommend this book to anyone who wants to get ahead in business or wants to improve their relationships with people they deal with on a continual basis. The advice in this book will save you a lot of trouble and will make your life more enjoyable. After hearing about this book for years I'm glad I finally read it.
~The Rebecca Review
The key to success in relationships which is what this books is about is to take the attention off yourself and be sincerely interested in the people you are communicating with. This pulls you into the current moment so you can be of service to whomever you are with and be available to what needs to get done. I recommend this book.
Two additional books that flow in the same stream as this book are from the authors Ariel and Shya Kane. "Working on Yourself Doesn't Work" and "How to Create A Magical Relationship." These books are about living in the moment, taking the attention off of yourself, off of your imperfections and turn your attention to what is in front of you. To put your attention on who is in front of you, so that you can take care of and be of service to the people around you. This world consists of people rushing around living their lives always trying to get ahead. Satisfaction can be found when you are present for what is NOW.
Create your own review
The advice is largely sound, but I think the reader should keep in mind the context within which this book was written. "How to Win Friends and Influence People" was written in the 1930's and intended primarily as a companion book to Dale Carnegie's classes on how to be a good salesman. In other words, these techniques work very well in the context of sales and public relations, i.e., in relationships that are not expected to be deep and/or long-lasting. I wouldn't recommend using these techniques on close personal friends. Doing so may make a person come across as a bit "plastic."
Also, there is one major point that I think needs to be remembered, but unfortunately is nowhere to be found in "How to Win Friends and Influence People." During my research of Dale Carnegie's techniques, I came across what I believe may be the only biography available about him: Dale Carnegie: The Man Who Influenced Millions by Giles Kemp and Edward Claflin. This book reveals many interesting things, such as the fact that Dale Carnegie grew up poor; he lost part of his left index finger when he was a child; he often broke many of the tenets set forth in this book, often forgetting others' names, often arguing with others, etc. But what I found most interesting was that the last chapter of "How to Win Friends" was to describe those individuals with whom none of Dale Carnegie's techniques work. In this unpublished chapter, Carnegie wrote that there were some people with whom it was impossible to get along. You either needed to divorce such people, "knock them down," or sue them in court.
Why is that chapter absent from this book, you ask? Well, Dale Carnegie was in the middle of writing this chapter when he was offered a trip to Europe, and rather than complete this last chapter he decided to take the trip. The uncompleted book was sent off to publishers, and Carnegie shipped off to Europe.
Giles Kemp and Edward Claflin say that given the optimistic tone of the rest of "How to Win Friends," the European trip was perhaps the better choice. Reconciling the the unwritten chapter with the rest of this optimistic book would've been nearly impossible, they say.
Anyway, I think that this unpublished chapter is important to keep in mind. I had to learn the hard way that the unpublished chapter is very true. There are some people with whom it is impossible to get along. When you meet up with such people, and believe me you will, don't think that you've failed the Carnegie techniques. Instead, remind yourself that you are experiencing exactly what Carnegie describes in that pragmatic, unpublished chapter. And then quickly move on to the nicer people!
Andrew Olivo